I hate the hassle of returning products. The new headphones I had ordered only make noise out of one earpiece, so I have to plead to the indignant postal carrier to take it back to its daddy and mommy of plastic and wires.

Three-day weekends are nice like whip cream in my eye. I'm not sure how Good Friday is a secular holiday, but I'll put aside my protest until after I've properly taken advantage of it.

JEEZUZTH.