January 1, 2002 10:38 PM

Note: All Biblical references are implemented in their strict, lingual, representational sense, for purpose of comprehension and expression alone.

Today, as I lazily perused the channels on television, I did my regular check of the painfully idiotic material being played on MTV, in hopes that I would find some sort of amusement out of it. Turns out I did. They happened to be playing an episode of "Fight For Your Rights," some sad attempt to present to their enslaved audience something of real intellectual stimulation and importance. I swear on the Bible, it was the most hypocritical, meaningless rhetoric that has ever entered my ears. For Christ's sake, you're 1) the symbol (and sole founder) of the proverbial airy, tasteless foam of society's mug of beer, thusly have no concern for politics of any kind, and 2) a subordinate of Viacom. What made you think that, laughably assuming that your audience is mentally capable, would be understood by their obtuse, doltish minds? No, you're right, I probably shouldn't have expected you to see such an utterly obvious problem and contradiction of action and preachery.

(Insert slew of expletives here.)