February 21, 2002 9:31 PM

I must have some kind of severe personality disorder, because every time I view such beauty and or hardly concievable greatness in another being, depression's baseball bat slams in me in the head. This stupid emotion of envy probably is possessing me think in such a way, but I feel that it's a serious problem that needs addressing. Everything feels so contrived, so plastic- even this fucking pathetic outreach for attention of writing. God. I am now naively realizing my situation isn't as bonafide and frank as I have led myself to believe. I can no longer distinguish between myself and my self-conscious distortion of my attitude for the sake of social admiration. I need guidance, a friend of some sort. One to which I can console to.

Oh fuck this.

EDITOR'S ANNOTATION [6/1/2003]: Stupid self-loathing. Swearing sounds quite retarded typed.