Somehow it seems to only appear when I'm not thinking of it

But once I want it, and seek it, it recedes and falls short

I'm not sure where the mistake is made, in the initial identification, or in my possibly stereotypical desires and expectations that overwhelm my better judgement

Clearly this setup isn't working, because I seem to gain as much pleasure in not looking as I do in looking

Well, what the fuck is there left to do?