November 11, 2009 12:47 AM

Never been so excited about shaving. wasn't that exciting. Just a brush and bar soap instead of a spray foam. Takes a bit longer. Regress a bit into some classic film when you brush your face up. At least it smells better.

Today was weird. I felt hungry and irritable all day. Tried out a new sweater; spacious, soft, a bit scratchy. Generally felt unproductive. It got dark by 4:30. Here it comes!

I want be creative again. But I can't go on the way I have been (I've heard that one before). This is my ongoing struggle. Implicit to my creative process is reinventing the wheel. I'd like to stop it and just find a good wheel and go with it. I have an interest in folk shapes, i.e. one melody repeated indefinitely with slight variations. There is a strength and infallibility to them which I respect. I also like the musical motif + psuedo-melodic stream-of-consciousness narrative overlay, exemplified by the Fall, Clive Pig, Mayo Thompson, and V.U. at certain moments, the pleasure and directness in its strange and abstruse juxtapositions. I also love classic rock n' roll & r&b tropes, its naiveté, coy snarkiness, and rich cultural heritage. And there's punk, forever in the back of my mind, its bold, frayed, frizzling desire to purposefully explode and babble in joyfully caustic attitude shared by several of my favorite jazz players. I could go on and on like this; already you can see how it's becoming complicated and multitudinal; what's fundamentally true is that I exist somewhere between these countless points, and struggle with how to make of them something simple and unobtrusive, as primary and certain and remarkable as red, yellow, and blue. What do I share, and what do I leave out, to invent these ideal forms?